I decided to focus on delivering funny text messages because i knew majority of the people searching for text messages are in funny text messages. Although I'm focusing unto it, i will still post some other forms of text messages like love, greetings, friendly, jokes and etc...
21. WIFE: “I’ve noticed everytime you talk you say, my car, my chair, my TV, everything is yours. You never say ours. I’m your wife, it should be ours.”
Husband paid no attention as he was looking for something. Wife gets irritated & asks what’s he looking for.
Husband replies, “our pants!”
22. Dear PEPSi,
Alam mo bang C0KE na COKEs ako sa’yo..
ROYAL ka pa naman, pero lagi mo akong IniiSPRiTE.. Naaalala mo nng pmunta tyo sa MOUNTAiN DEW? Sumakay pa tyo sa REDHORSE.. Muntik pa nga tyng tngayin ng GOLD EAGLE! Buti na lng nandun c SAN MiGUEL! Binaril niya ng COLT 45.. Tnmaan c GENEROSO s knyng longnck! Kya pmnta xa sa BARCELONA pra bumili ng TANDUAY..
Nagma2hal, LAMBAN0G
23. WOMAN: Doc, when I was unmarried I had
6 abortions.
Now I’m married, y can’t I get pregnant?
DR: U are a wild animal. evidently u cannot breed in captivity!
24. ATTITUDES of “wise” employees:
1. TIME CONSCIOUS-
oras lang ang binabantayan;
2. WORKAHOLIC-
di makapagtrabaho pag di nakainom;
3. SERVICE ORIENTED-
di makaalis pag walang service vehicle;
4. HARDWORKING-
hirap pagtrabahohin;
5. KEEN EYE FOR DETAILS-
mapagpuna sa gawa ng iba. :-(
25. Trying to explain to our 5-year-old daughter how much computers had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer & told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.
Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”
26. Did you ever stop
and wonder why
people point to
their wrist
when asking for
time…
but don’t point to
their butt when
asking where
the bathroom is?;-)
27. If Comfort Room or CR is for Americans, Rest Room for English people and Palikuran for Filipinos, what do Bombays call theirs?
Answer: HULUGAN…
Hahahaha
28. If you always assume the person sitting next to you is the Messiah waiting for some human kindness -
You will soon come to weight your words and watch your hands.
May we always have opportunities to show kindness. Have a nice day!
29. One day, a man and his wife went to a doctor. The doc took the wife inside the consultation room.
WIFE: Doctor, please call your nurse here.
DOC: Why? Don’t you trust me?
WIFE: No, doctor, it’s not like that, I have no faith in my husband!
30. The doctor’s receptionist was startled when a nun stormed out of the surgery and left. She asked the doctor what happened. “Well,” said the doctor, “I examined her and told her she was pregnant.”
“Doctor!” exclaimed the receptionist. “That can’t be!”
“Of course not,” he said, “but it certainly cured her hiccups.”
31. A mother was pushing her newborn son in a pram along the road when she met an old friend.
“Ohh, let’s have a look,” said the friend, “isn’t he handsome? He looks just like his father.
“Yes, he does, doesn’t he?” replied the mother sadly. “I only wish he looked a bit more like my husband.”
32. BREAKING NEWS…
Doing his share to help typhoon victims is presidential son Mikey who has volunteered to gather gifts and donations…
by remarrying his wife Angela this weekend…;-(
33. New Lyrics of
“Bahay Kubo”
bahay ko po
dami putik
ang pumsok doon
ay sari sari
nlamas n karton
sirang mejas at damit
silya, bsurang mpanghe!
ONDOY parusa
binura marikina
at saka meron pa
lubog din ang edsa
montalban at pasig
taytay at cainta
sa paLgid ligid ay puno ng Baha!
KUMANTA KA!
wahahaha!! :D
34. A teenager had just received her learner’s permit.
She offered to drive her parents to church.
After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you!”
“Anytime,” her daughter replied.
As the woman slammed the door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”;-)
35. Husband: (angrily) What! No dinner ready? I’m going to a resto.
Wife: Wait, just 5 minutes.
Husband: Will it be ready then?
Wife: No, I’ll be ready to go with you.
36. QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.”
37. Do you know why a previous relationship is called “EX?”
Well, others say it’s because it’s a term for the past.
But for me, “EX” is short for “EXPIRED.” haha!
38. ‘Tweet’ daw ni PGMA:
“Sabi nila knee-deep lang ang baha!? It was chest-deep! Punyeta!”
39. Sa swimming pool…
TAO1: Tulong! Tulong! Di ako marunong lumanggoy!
TAO2: E ano naman?! Ako nga di marunong magluto, sinisigaw ko ba?! Tumahimik ka nga!
40. God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he’s all alone in the Garden of Eden.
So God says, “Ok, I’ll make you a companion, a beautiful creature who’ll cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse intelligently on any subject, and never ever complain or argue.”
Adam says, “That sounds great.”
God says, “The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.”
Adam says, “Damn, that’s expensive. What can I get for a rib?”
And as they say, the rest is history.
